Born out of Binary. Such a simple phrase uttered little over a year ago when on a bender. Somehow it has become a phrase of which to describe myself and others. Here you'll find me rant about many things, sometimes about myself, sometimes about my work.
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Merry Christmahaunikawnzikah and a Happy New Year. The link provided is to a megaupload file of my novella called "A Constant Truth". The past two or three months has been some of the most difficult and the best of my life. I appreciate everyone who's stood beside me and the boys and girls of Anti-E (they know who they are). Especially my wife for putting up with me during this whole ordeal.
Keep an eye on this spot for further info about Elysium and this project. There is still much much more to come.
Over the last two and a half months I have finally seen the most positive moves and actions ever placed towards the success of a dream I have always wished to fufill. I will not lie and say that it was my only motivator, but my dream has always been to be recognized for my talents and for who I am as a person. Of course, the larger goal has always been to wake the world up and realize that our personal liberties and lives are under threat on a day to day basis, however that has been a motivator which I could just as easily write off as romanticism.
I was raised, as most children in the USA, on stories of the American Revolution. Those stories always stirred something deep inside of me. The idea of the Sons of Liberty, essentially a bunch of boozed up white boys dressed as Indians, running from the tavern to Boston Harbor to hack open crates of over taxed tea has always been one of my first loves of revolutionary history. However when I was young, I believed it to be a tea party in the very formal sense of Pre-Revolution France.
I can clearly remember being drawn in by politics and revolutionary things since the age of three when my mother who had been raising me on her own at this point, was getting ready for work in our home, and she had CNN on the TV. I didn't mind this break from my daily diet of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, as the T-72 tanks driving around on screen fascinated me even though I had no idea what they were. It was shortly after the fall of the Berlin Wall, and the commentator mentioned "The fall of communism". I asked my mother what communism was, and she gave the least complicated answer which one would expect an adult to give a toddler who suddenly wants to know about the world (most children don't develop this sort of interaction until the age of 8 or nine).
She said that it makes everyone stay exactly the same in all respects, and that the leaders watch your every move. For some reason I visualized a nation of people wearing the same shirt as Ernie from Seasame Street living in grey concrete apartments with nothing in them other than mattresses and government cameras.
Simple. Not exact, but simple.
Of course as I grew older and learned more, I became involved in researching history. Sure, I was a normal kid too. I'd read about wars, revolutions, and martyred heroes at the same time as watching Star Wars on VHS which my stepfather (read Dad) had recorded off of Showtime when he lived alone. I'd play Nintendo and SNES and Sega and computer games like Doom, Full Throttle, Sam and Max, and I loved them entirely. Computers fascinated me, and the idea that you could create a fully digitized world fascinated me. It does to this day.
As I grew older, life grew harder. My parents began fighting around the same time my grandmother and my aunt (my mother's youngest sister out of seven children) were both going through chemotherapy at the same time. My mom spent most of her time driving my grandma and my aunt to chemotherapy treatments, coming home upset at having to see the iron willed matriarch of our family cry at the sight of a needle, where she had chased my six foot tall uncles around the house in their teens, forcing them to get all the way on top of the roof.
My dad was having a hard time because mom wasn't the strong independent single mother he had met anymore. She needed a lot more help around the house, and the migraines which she had always had increased. Dad was trying to figure out how to get his speaking career off the ground at the same time as trying to deal with the stresses of managing other people's money when we had very little. Around the same time I was going to Catholic school and becoming more and more detached from my peers. I had good grades for the majority of the three years I spent there, however stresses at home, and the cliquish nature of the school had driven me to depression.
Many nights I remember having to suddenly watch my younger brother who was just a toddler at the time, because mom needed sleep, and dad was working late. I hated it, and we fought, and I didn't know what to do when he'd complain that he didn't want to have Chef Boyardee or Hot Pockets another night, because I was ten and I didn't think I was allowed to use the stove. Sometimes dad would come home with fast food, and those were the good nights. We'd get that, and we'd drive around and he'd play metal on the stereo so that mom could rest without us being crazy.
He did that because he cared about all of us, and there wasn't much else he could do at the time.
We were all cracking under the stress, and most days I'm not sure if my little brother's anxiety disorder is due to plain old cranial chemicals, or just the fact that when he was old enough to start remembering things, some of his first real memories are of mom and dad screaming at each other around the house because they were scared and as lost as all of us.
Around the same time I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder and hospitalized in Children's Hospital in Cincinnati. I had told my mother how I had attempted suicide multiple times by trying to smother myself. No matter how smart I was in terms of academics at the time, I was still ten and didn't understand that breathing is involuntary. This scared just about everyone in my family. I hated putting them through that, and I hate that I have never been able to disconnect my current self from the ten year old boy who handed over his shoes to the orderly for small slippers in case I would run away. I was into the Akira manga at the time, something I probably shouldn't have been reading, but anyone familiar enough with it would recognize that for a child in a psychiatric ward, reading comics about aged psychic children and angry street gangs with budding telekenisis was probably the only thing that I could read to get me through it.
I remember meeting one kid, who I can't remember his name, but we'll call Jimmy. Jimmy was around my age, and we had some good conversations about Super Nintendo games. We'd talk about music from our doorways across the hall during lockdown, but I never realized until years later that what I thought were sweat bands on his wrists were actually bandages. He'd had a better way of killing himself, but he'd never been able to get through it. There was another girl with the same bandages, two years older. She was goth, at least what could be termed that way. I've always had a soft spot for damsels in distress and I blame this on being so into knights and castles when I was much younger. I tried so hard to talk to her, to make her feel better, but I was told I needed to take care of myself by one of the cooler staff members.
All of these experiences made for a very tumultuous childhood and an even more confusing teenaged years. Our neighborhood went from middle class to lower middle class in the course of eight years. My mother's health deteriorated, and her ability to support me emotionally faded. My dad became engrossed in his work, only really spending time with my brother and I to joke around. My brother has always resented me for how I tried to step in as a guardian for him, and by high school, I was slowly checking out of life. I spent most of my time hanging around with nerdy anime girls and angry geeks from school around the local library. I became engrossed in computers, the internet, and social interactions surrounding them.
Some of the angry geeks became angry street thugs, and it's what I became as well. I was burning out quickly. I didn't drink often, but I smoked cigarettes every day I could, and we went around town just looking to find smokes and cause trouble. Shoplifting. Fighting each other. Being loud obnoxious young males in a town and post-9/11 society which we could not feel a part of. If we weren't doing that, we were playing video games or surfing the net.
The net has given me so many things. Knowledge. Entertainment. Escape. Freedom.
Those are the first that come to mind in an intellectual aspect.
In a personal aspect?
Friends. Purpose. Recognition.
I cannot under-exaggerate how important the net has been in changing my life, but I can scream to the world how incredibly important meeting my wife was to me. She made me believe that there was life outside of the streets of a dying suburban dream, and that love could conquer 12,000 miles of land and ocean. She made me believe that my escapism in forms of writing and history and video games could become something much much more. She made me believe that I could change something, or at least enjoy the fruits of the labor of changing things.
The day I seriously decided that I wanted to be a writer was the day that I decided I could never live apart from her. She has given more to me in terms of financial and emotional support than most would in her circumstances and this current world of fear mongering and hatred. She is a total inspiration for me, and I would like nothing more than to see her safe and comfortable in life.
It's why when Elysium began to rear it's head, I decided to use it as an opportunity to actualize my dreams of success and a happy marriage. I have thrown everything I have had into my idea of what that was, but it seems it was not the same as my wife's.
I will say that I have been wrong to think that just showing her these things would make her proud.
Why? Because I am broken. The Cyber War has drained me more than I ever could have imagined. For the past month I have slept perhaps three to fours hours each night (if I haven't pulled a 48 hour marathon to promote and raise awareness) and eaten perhaps one meal a day, and two if I remember or if my wife is home. I have become engrossed far more than I should ever have wished to be, believing my own bullshit nihilism that was merged with an Irish Catholic working class upbringing.
I thought that if she saw how much I suffered, she would know I was doing this for her.
I think I suffered enough. I'm exhausted. My right temple feels like bursting every day. My body is weak from malnutrition and the results of my past. My left knee is swollen and stiff from walking at least 20 miles last night to get to my in-laws so I could say I was sorry. My mind keeps trying to play tricks on me, making me wonder what is real anymore.
All I know, is that the love for my wife is the realest thing I have ever felt.
I can't suffer anymore for her, because it causes her to do the same.
It's the Holiday Season, and I want everyone to feel that love I have for my wife and my ideals, so this is my present to all of you.
Not much to say there. Money's the root of all evils. We've all heard it before. We've all worked hard for it, and the world's fucked at the moment because you have so many people pissing away their lives just looking for the almighty dollar, wasting their talents, and ruining their lives and relationships in one way or another.
How do you defeat that? You fucking can't just running up stream against it. You gotta start making changes in your own life. You gotta do what you have to do to make those changes.
So I present this to you, as a member of Anti-E. E, is Elysium. It's the system. I do not know who is at the heart of the system, but it may not even be something tangible. It may just be our fears, our emotions, our worst nightmares.
I fight against Elysium and everything that supports it.
I suggest you do as well.
For the older end of the Lost Millenium Generation, I give you this:
For the younger end I give you this:
And for everyone in support and looking for a way out, or still on their way, I provide this:
Stay strong Cyber Warriors, Anti-Es, Anons, Punks, and every poor bastard out there fighting so hard as part of this Lost Millenium Generation. The world will awaken soon, or we will all die trying.
This is going to be a rant to some, a lecture to many, and a revelation to what is hopefully many, many more.
That being said, those who have not yet pressed the "close tab" button on their browser and are still with me, I applaud you, for you're in for one hell of a ride.
Jack in and get ready for this.
I'll start with a quote that some of you may already be familiar with, and others may not be:
"It will bring about the extinction of the nation-state as we know it... I think it will be as big a deal as the creation of cities. "
-William Gibson on the subject of the Internet-
Okay. For those of you who didn't just scoff and go "pfft, that hasn't happened and it won't", good job, because you're on the right track. For those of you who did scoff, and for those of you who have no idea who William Gibson is or what he did, or why we at Anti-E hold this quote in such high regard, it's time for a brief history lesson.
-sets up slide projector-
First slide. This is William Gibson.
As if visual recognition wasn't enough, I will tell you who he is. The man wrote a certain book in the 80's called Neuromancer. That certain novel was the start of a literary movement and subculture called "Cyberpunk". If I'm not ringing any bells still, you must have been living under a goddamn rock for the last twenty to thirty years because Cyberpunk is the basis for so many things in popular culture, movies, video games, and most importantly, our day to day lives. And by our day to day lives, I mean the freaking internet. Yes.
What you are using right now.
The same thing some of you (including myself) met your significant others on.
The same thing many of you didn't understand the first time you saw it or heard about it, yet understood within five minutes of active use.
The same reason many of you recieve old pictures of cats and photoshops from those others who didn't understand the net.
The same thing many of you spend the majority of your day on, be it through phone, computer, or game console (or game).
Almost all of you who are reading this right now at the time of writing have seen this birth of a new etheral world which just a century and a half prior would have marked as witchcraft. This world, this internet, is what Gibson refered to in that quote as being as large as the foundation of the first cities popping up in the Fertile Crescent millenia ago (as far as we know). He refered to it as such, because those first cities, those first states, those first nations, are either dusty ruins or wiped off of the map in their entirety. Gisbson has a perfect right to make such a prediction, that the current system will be brought down by the internet, because the man coined the first phrase, the first buzz word, which all of you reading this heard when the net was first introduced.
That word is Cyberspace.
That's the word I remember hearing the first time I hopped on my stepmother's work computer and creating a Nick.com account in 1996 because the commercial told me to. Granted, Nickolodeon still had Angry Beavers and other great shows on a prime time slot instead of relegating it to midnight and later for those of us from the tail end of the Lost Millenium Generation (read: Generation Y, har, har) who're still up at that hour. But why are we still up at that hour? Why have we been slotted into a 12-4 AM slot like Nick at Nite did to our parents?
It wasn't because they're bad shows that are unsutable for children. Hell, I stayed up watching Nick at Nite with my parents and laughing really hard at Gilligan or whatever old sitcom they grew up on. In the same token, my dad woke up early with me most Saturday mornings to watch Ren and Stimpy and laughing just as hard.
The time slot is the early morning hours.
The "bewitching" hours, if you'll allow me to use a previous metaphor.
Those are the hours most young adults feel the need to take a trip back to their nostolgic pasts. Why? Because being an adult is fucking scary. That's why.
It's scary enough that a picture from a movie 30 years old frightens the crap out of everyone reading. Some may recognize it from the original movie. Some may recognize it from those screamer videos from Youtube or Ebaum's World. Others may recognize it from the Maze Game or all of these sources all at once. It's 30 years old, but it's prolific enough to scare the shit out of everyone here.
Why? The internet, or cyberspace, as Gibson phrased his vision of it in Neuromancer.
Well, right now many of you are assuming I don't have a point, and congrats, because you must have paid enough attention in school to learn that I've just been writing a thesis thus far.
Gibson wrote Neuromancer on a typewriter. His vision of cyberspace came from watching people react to PacMan arcade games. The actual internet was still top secret in a Berkley lab after the US Government decided the first smiley face being transmitted across campus had potential for a post-nuclear war communications system (I'm not gonna present the research because this is the net and you've probably got a google searchbar on your browser somewhere). Either way, the man was making a mountain out of a molehill in the best possible use of the phrase. I would use the "Soviets making rocket fuel from straw" joke, but it's old, the comments would be spammed with "In Soviet Russia jokes..." (GOGOGO) and it's not funny because we're actually trying to do that with how we've found out dinosaur bones don't last forever (unless you're Raptor Jesus and can pay for me to fill up my car).
"So yeah," you say, "Gibson wrote this book ahead of his time, and you're sitting here talking about being an adult and how it sucks and how the internet is awesome and you've made too many jokes outside of 4chan for anyone over the age of 30 to care about."
"Yes." I say. "But remember how I said I have a point?"
You nod demurely.
"And have you at least had a few laughs?"
You nod because you at least got three of the jokes I've made unless you're from the 1600's and about to burn me at the stake.
"Okay. Then jack in, because shit's about to get bumpy."
Now, Gibson wrote this book that was way ahead of it's time, and like many things from the counter-cultural movements from the 60's through to 2000, it was just one of many things that was ahead of it's time. The fact that Gibson hadn't even owned a computer, yet wrote a scene about unboxing one with such precision I can smell the styrofoam, is a testament to that. Many other things were ahead of it's time. The Beatniks and Hippies (who Gibson grew up with) in the sixties were either demonized, marginalized, or did enough of that to "the Man" that they ended up getting wiped out as culturally relevant. The late seventies saw the rise of punk, which was started to either destroy rock and roll, or make it fun and rebellious again. The guys who set out to destroy rock and roll either destroyed themselves or became New Wavers and Clubbers in the 80's. The guys who made it fun and rebellious again succeeded, but they succeeded too well by continually ripping off 50's rock riffs and beats and then ODing on some drug like Joplin, Hendrix, and Morrison (read Sid Vicious, Iggy Pop, and most of The Ramones).
And then. Then the 80's came around.
I can hear all you stupid hipsters screaming and jumping with joy because you think I'm being ironic, but I think your sense of irony is as skewed as black guy being Grand Wizard of the KKK (comebackDaveChapelle).
Seriously. The massive slew of cultural movements that sprung up in the 80's out of the wonderous afterbirth of the previous six decades was amazing considering the time. There were hardcore punks, there were goth, there were new wavers, there were clubbers, there were metalheads, there were working class joes going to college, the first true nerds, the video game culture, the computer culture, the druggies, the neo-cons, the new liberals and new anarchists.
All of these things happened in the 80's. All of them continue to effect us today. I'm looking at you, mister feathered hair and pastel shirt, and you missus sequin dress, and you mister baseball cap rock jock with x's on your hands, and you missus can't forget the summer of love even though you were thirteen when you were at woodstock (or concieved there), and you metalhead who still fights about Metallica and Dave Mustaine, and you missus nerd with the 8-Bit Super Mario tee shirt, and you mister emo, missus nu metal, and mister dubstep.
And yes. Even you computer nerd in your Guy Fawkes mask.
Everything we have. Everything we are.
Leftovers of the Post-War 20th Century.
Some of you are living reminders. Some of you have lived through the last sixty or seventy years, seeing each change, and taking in a bit. To you I take off my hat, because you are the first tip of the Lost Millenium Generation.
The Lost Millenium Generation is what the core of Anti-E is about. Everyone today from the age of 5-65 can talk about the issues of the past seventy years with a general degree of familiarity due to the internet being a place where the world can come together. It is a place where ideas compete as much as they join. Surely, we wage much the same wars as our predecessors have in the real world for the past 1000 years as we do so even now. But at the same time, we can all come together and realise what evils have happened, what goods have come, and we can embrace that.
We are coming close to it.
If you were lucky enough to remember the days prior to 2000, you were probably thinking the same thing as most of us.
"I can't wait to get my jet pack and flying car."
I mean, those two inventions had been around since the sixties and eighties respectively. Those who had seen those things be revealed expected it as much as those of us who hadn't to be the face of the new millenia. For at least 60 years of the past 70, we have been all waiting for the age of the Jetsons to arrive. The dreams we and this Lost Millenium Generation's forebearers had dreamed after World War II had ended were everywhere. Those who fought in WWII fought because they wanted their kids to have a safe clean future, however every effort at that by the establishments of the 50's-2000 failed. They failed because the futures were fake and the younger generation revolted in each their own way.
William Gibson even wrote a short story about those failed dreams (which is available online through his Wikipedia page).
Every revolt either died out or evolved. Now, we have the living, breathing knowledge of those previous generations all around us on the internet. The information at our fingertips has been there since 1996 when the net first entered homes around the world. It allows every malcontent, every misfit, every form fitted child, every washed up oldbie, every angry teen, to come together and share the knowledge of each of their respective generations. The 80's surely had plenty of cultural movements, but they died out or were forced to conform and evolve in a perverse way by the establishment.
When the internet came along, many began heralding how much it would change our lives. Many didn't want to believe, and still can't believe, what we have become today. Many still wanted and still do want to believe in a Jetson styled new Millenium. Many couldn't have suspected how far we have come.
We are a global community. Truly.
We have had the past and current events living side by side like no other era in the course of our species within the last 15 years. By all means, why hasn't Gibson's prediction about the internet come true? I mean, most don't say that sort of thing without seeing it about to happen. We from Anti-E would not have made our statement without believing it would come true (see the Manifesto). Gibson probably could have made that prediction last year in 2009, looking ahead and seeing all this talk about the "end of an era" or "apocalypse" in 2012.
However he didn't. That statement was made in 1999, just prior to the turn of the century and the start of the New Millenium. The Millenium which so many of us from the Lost Millenium Generation were looking forward to. The Millenium which so many of us excepted to bring about such a change, as the tools were there.
Again Gibson was ahead of his time.
Again the establishments of the world stopped that.
That's the first decade of the New Millenium in foriegn politics from 2001-2009, just in pictures, just in 15 minutes of a google image search (all rights reserved to the original photographers). I didn't even put in any of the horribly handled environmental disasters, the disgusting pop culture, and the less than promising music, or even half of the other stories.
Now if you're still with me, good. Chances are many of you have seen those photos around or could recognize them from the net, or from a mainstream news source once they decided to pick up on it. I'm sure just as many of you are expecting me to start blaming lizardmen or the Illuminati or Zionists or Obama or Neo Nazis or Communists or Glenn Beck or any of the slew of people we as a collective sixty year millenial generation try to blame and do so on a daily basis. The same people are probably expecting me to start belittling them for believing such things, and listening to people who would rather have you stuck onto problems of the past and superstitions of the last thousand years.
No. I will not do that.
Why? Because we have no one to blame but ourselves.
The net was supposed to bring down the nation-state and all of these old paragons of authority. The 21st Century was supposed to be a new start. Sure we don't have Jetson cars, and sure we're not phsyically hooked into the net, and running clean energy.
But we could have.
What did we let happen? We let the dickheads from the real world start pushing us around in the net from nearly the beginning. It frightens me that I can see some guy on the Discovery Channel talking about the same thing as Alex Jones while someone on MSNBC is saying the same thing as The Young Turks (such a joke, I swear) and guys on the History Channel and Fox News saying the same thing as George W Bush, or that a mainstream best selling video game could very well be propaganda from WWII, the Cold War, or the War on Terror.
It frightens me because we as a Generation (capital "g") have let THEM come into our cyberspace.
We came here, searching for each other. We came here searching for answers. We came here searching for an escape.
What happened? What kept us, the Lost Millenium Generation, from achieving such potential? What happened to what was our TRUE Wild West, our TRUE, Final Frontier, our TRUE Enlightenment?
What happened to our future?
The establishment of the "real" world came here. They've been putting up fortifications through legislation and observation and deciet and lies around the internet since it's inception as a simple smiley sent across MIT Campus in the late 1970's. They came in here. They threw us off. They made us think the past was better and that things have always been this way and that they always will.
We, Anti-E, are sick of their shit.
Right now North Korea, China, the US, the UK, Russia, Japan, Australia, Iran, Israel, Palestine, and just about every arbitrary establishment on earth is chattering at us, continuing to try and divide us as they have for the past 15 years. They tell us that 2012 will be the Apocalypse. They tell us that Communism is back. They tell us that Islam is better than Christianity and Christianity is better than Islam. They tell us that facism and communism hasn't gone away while being fascists and communists themselves. They tell us that lizardmen cause all the problems of the world with Zionists in the mix.
They tell us this to confuse us.
It isn't working anymore.
We're sick of their shit. We are not divided because we never were. We are all individuals with our own minds and our own eyes and our own ears. We are sixty years of common people being sick of the world telling us that we don't have that.
We, the people of the internet, the Lost Millenium Generation, are waking up.
Because the world's establishments are all banding together to end this man:
This man is Julian Assange.
This man started Wikileaks when the world didn't want to look. We've hated him. We've demonized him. We've joined in as people of the net with the establishment and we have bastardized him.
He is sitting in solitary confinement in a UK prison now on trumped up charges, and for the past week, the world, and the people of the internet, have realized something.
That man did what we couldn't.
He looked into the true dark face of the world with reason behind his eyes and bravery in his chest. He put things up to save lives, not end them. He shared information to enrich, not to destroy.
You can take my word for it, or you can do proper research.
There is but one truth now.
The establishments of the world have begun their final decent onto our frontier of cyberspace. We have spent our whole lives talking about commies, nazis, and aliens. They all could and still do exisist, I know. But I also know this.
For those of you who've been following along with the recent events of the world, the last post I made proved that the world is in a shitty place, and the large reception I got (over 500 views in two hours) proved that other people do not want to sit down and take the crap that is shoveled their way now.
WikiLeaks has been shut down, a place which has been subject to much controversy. Most commonly, it is argued that their reporting of war crimes has lead to the endangering of NATO troops and their civilian contractors, including Afghan and Iraqi informants. However, nothing has ever been presented to back up that accusation.
This week, they have been shut down within hours of my last blog post calling for people to stand up. They posted an article speaking about China and were subsequently taken into serious territory with many governments, including Obama. Their founder is in danger of being arrested on trumped up charges of rape. It has been a bad week for WikiLeaks. They've had a hard time, but they've stood strong, releasing what they call "insurance", in terms of fighting back against the corrupt governments of the world.
And you know what? I'll be doing the same thing.
My last blog told people to stand up, shout, do anything to let the world know that we're sick of being handed garbage and told it's gold. Sick of making a choice between the lesser of two evils. Sick of being told what to do, what to say, and most importantly, having no choice at all.
I have been followed for months now by something. I have experienced black outs. I have had my phone tapped via our provider. I have had files disappear from my computer only to reappear with images hidden in them days later. There have been posters with my URL put up from Australia to the East Coast of the US without my knowledge. It has all evolved around something called ELYSIUM. My new friend Requiem has been essential in helping, however he is having problems as well.
We cannot do this alone. So I am putting a file up on megaupload in the spirit of WikiLeaks with everything we have thus far, as well as a certain document that would be something of interest. If it is down by the time you read this post, do not worry, for others will have downloaded it and put it up on the net.